Tuesday, December 21, 2004
What's playing : 'I Want To Spend My Lifetime Loving You'
Tuesday morning..after such a long time, i cried..slept at 5 plus yesterday, almoz 6, & was awakened by MM' sms at almoz 9 juz now..& i can't seem to stop crying now..drip..drip..drip..tears r flowing like waterfalll..gonna tell y..
Neways..before lesson proper, i'm juz gonna briefly blog wat's happening..Sunday nite before MM slept, we were chatting on the fone..for about one hour i guess..it was about W..again..haiz..where the hell did W go huh?..fuck her!..she's like..argh!!!..
After those serious talk, i tried to lighten things up by asking him to sing..he did cheer up when i kept commenting on his voice..hee..then he dedicated that 'Belaian Jiwa' song to me.. =)
Not gonna elaborate on wat we chatted about, but before we put down, he thanked me alot of times for the card & told me he reali reali appreciate wat i haf done for him all these while..he told me to love him for wat he is, saying he love me & miss me too..
I read sis' blog the other day, about whether guys reali meant it when they say out those words that we gerls reali seriously 'treasure' when it's said by the person they love..hmmm..'i love you..'?..'i miss you..'?..haiz..
Today went to meet Zaa & bro at skool then proceeded to Causeway to haf our dinner..i was smsing MM all the way..but they weren't smses of "loving you's" or "missing you's"..it was serious talk thru out..
It started wif him who wrongly send a message to W, that was acheli meant for me..*bang wall*..it was a close shave he didn't address me as 'Dear' or 'Rara' huh..*phew*..in that sms meant for me, he asked me, y did the hell W treat him like this?..it has been 3 days since she called or sms him, & furthermore, she didn't reply any of MM's smses sia..like fuck sia this bitch..haiz..
He told me that he's gonna gif her time till this Christmas..if she still hasn't contact him yet, that's it, they r over..this shows that he reali reali love her..*sob sob*..i told him never ever let a girl pull his whole being down..& he replied, saying mebe he shud juz move on..
I got back home & before i cud sms him to inform him, he aredi messaged me asking where i was..then from then on . . . . .
Him : Where u?
Me : I juz reached home..about to message u..wat u doing?
Him : Lying down..tinking wat the fuck is W*** doing..
Me : Oh my god..juz now when u called her, she reali didn't pick up the call or u juz let it rang for a while?
Him : I let it rang once only..donoe lah..this has never happened before..
Me : U want me to call her?..if she picks up, i tell her that u haf been frantically trying to contact her but to no avail ah..i reali pity u seeing u like this..
Him : Nvm la..it's ok..it will make matters worst i tink..nvm..i tink she's dead..after fucking too many guys..(gasp)
Me : Huh..wah kaoz..y u say like that seh..cheer up leh..if u noe she's not worth it, musn't brood over it lah..fated i guess..u will get a better gerl huh..
Him : But atleast reply my messages ah..she's like one dumb person, dowan to reply my messages..& she made me wait for her messages like one doll..
Me : How i noe seh..haiz..i myself is having a headache..aaaaa..haiz haiz haiz..
Him : It's juz my luck..
Me : Hmm..a lot of gerls r after u..its her loss lah..
Him : Haiz..where was i wrong seh?..i haf been truthful to her seh..
Me : Wat wrong did i do too?..i've oso been truthful to u too..but u still go to W***..it's the same..it's juz not ur fault..mebe u 2 r not fated?..only God noes..evrything happens for a reason..it's part of destiny..
Him : Tanx dear..mebe W*** n M***** never existed..
Me : But u cannot assume..cos u donoe wat's happening at her side..who noes she lost her hp?..her parents confiscated her hp?..
Him : Her hp is on..wat the hell rite..3 consecutive days u noe..don't tell me she went hospital?..she's dead i guess..
Me : Ok..let's juz view it this way..if she reali dowan to contact u anymore..heck..so be it..like u said, pardon me, W*** can juz fuck off..y muz u be sad?..she doesn't even care that u r suffering inside..pls lor..like u said, it's her nature..it's difficult to change sumone, n look, u r tempted to go back to ur old ways..matters cud haf gone worse sia..who noes she has another guy behind u?..it's juz not worth ur pain over all these..there's more to life..
Him : She's changing i guess, but i don't feel the same..
Me : Hmm..wat do u mean by u don't feel the same?..
Him : I'm not gonna change..u noe how much i love her..haiz..only u noe..
Me : Yah..i noe u love her alot..if u wanna change, i'm not gonna let u..i swear i will leave u if u do..n don't tink my absence will make any difrens in ur life..
Him : Yes, i dare u to leave me..u r the most important person in my life..if u leave me, u can never c me around again..
Me : Hmmm..u r mad..it's juz not worth doing like that to yourself cos of me..haiz..r we not fated to be together?
Me : Haiz..nvm..i don't need u to answer me cos i aredi noe the answer the day u left me for W***..now i'm single, so i can luv u whole-heartedly..when i'm attached, u can't expect me to shower u wif 100% care & concern..but i will still love u..nitez my baby..muackz..i miss u sooo much..
The next morning..which is today..
Him : Y u say like that?..u oso wanna leave me eh..
Me : No lor..i will never ever leave u..it's juz that, u noe, u cannot haf 2 gerls at the same time..
Him : Hmm..u haf sumone else in mind eh?..
Me : Yah..and the person is u..and i'm juz sad that the person in his mind is not me.. :(
Him : Don't tok rubbish..u, i haf this extraordinary feelings for u lah..hard to describe..i luv u that's for sure..
Me : I noe u love me..but love me as a?..love me, but u r wif another gerl?..i reali don't understand..haiz..
Him : I tot we clarified our problem aredi rite..i noe u r hurt..u noe wat we r..
Me : But till when u want us to be like this?..no strings attached huh..till u find the girl of ur dreams, till u find sumone that truly loves u..the day u r married to that gerl, u r married to that gerl, u obviously won't need me anymore..then me?..
Him : K i won't ever break ur heart..we r best of frens, bro n sis, lovers..knight n princess..we r evrything..we share joys n sorrows together..i won't get married if u don't approve..
Him : I will need u each n every day..mark my words..there is not a day i will leave u alone..
Me : But at the end of the day, do i still c u n me together?..
Him : Dear..don't tok about this..u r my lifeline if u wanna noe..that's y every single thing i tell u..
Me : Nvm..i truly understand wat's going on now..
Him : Wat?..no u don't..cos i noe u r depressed rite now..dear..please..
Me : I understand that loving sumone doesn't mean u haf to be wif that person..i understand, but doesn't mean i can accept it..nvm..i will try to live wif it..
Him : U don't tink too much lah..juz like u told me too..dear, life live to the fullest the way we are now..
Me : Ok..i will..
Him : So i guess ur feelings for me change aredi..
Me : No..i still love u as much..
Things will never be the same again..
Wishing for a rainbow @ 10:50 AM
What's playing : 'London Bridge Is Falling Down'
Neeeeeeeeh..i'm back..ahaha..& blob blob blob..i'm listening to 'London bridge is falling down..falling down..falling down.."..wehehehe..
Alrite..lemme continue huh..hmmm..acheli there's some correction ah..Friday i was at home..but i chatted on the fone wif Qian on Saturday nite dohz..haha..my mistake..short-term memory ah..khekhekhe..
K on Saturday i went shopping again..*weeeee*..haha..this time reali conquered almoz all of Orchard wif sis..almoz only..not all..sumore when we were in the particular mall, we oso entered all the shops ah..haha..regardless of wat the hell the shop is selling..lol..
Reached Cathay Cineleisure a bit after 4..had our lunch at LJS..spotted our cousin but don't tink she recognised us urh..took neoprints & walked around..& we saw MM's ex!!!..woohoo..pretty babe, but tall ah..mixed blood seh..
Then from there, we walked down to Far East..fuyoo..so far sia..haha..then there was some Fossil watch roadshow, asking participants to guess how many watches were there on display, & when they gif out the small slips of 'contest form', there was a peppermint candy cane wif it..hao ke ai wor..haha..
We happened to walk past the roadshow & the roadshow pple gaf us the slips of paper & the candy canes..but we didn't participate in the contest ler..hehehe..reached Far East & walked thru the whole of Level 1..whole of Level 2..whole of Level 3..& yah..we saw Huda, Wan's ex in the toilet..wat the hell..she wear until sooo slutty..*oops..sorry eh Wan..heh*..
She was wearing this mini-skirt & a short black tube..blergh..*pukes*..haha..then sumore the toilet is super duper small lor..& i was wif sis, she wif her 2 frens..she recognised me i guess cos sis heard her saying sumthing to her frens about me..sumthing like, "She's my fren.."..u my fren my ass sia..huahuahua..i didn't acknowledge her lor..keke..
Then after Far East, went to buy some food from Old Chang Kee..walked all the way to Heerens while eating..legs damn tired like siao arh..haha..on the way there, we bumped into sis' fren, Si Hui..wat a small world..
I bought Christmas present at Heerens..heh..sumthing i like sooo much, but i'm not sure whether they will like it anot..damn cute..keke..not gonna say wat it is though..^_^..then i oso bought this small pink sling bag at 77th Street..very cute oso..& pinky pinky erh..wahaha..i donoe y i like pinky stuff nowadays..my new pencil case is pink oso lor..*bang wall*
After that, we proceeded to Taka..another long destination..huahuahua..went there & juz look look around cos we were so daaaaaaaamn tired..no more energy to window shop liao..hahaha..so i decided to go Wisma de Mac & sit down erh cos Taka's KFC & Mac was damn crowded..
Reached there..ordered drinks & talk cock all the way..we saw this very bias mum who pamper her daughter more than her son lor..haiyer..she boxed her son's hand cos her son wanted to sit next to her, but then her daughter oso wanted to..ergh..child abuse seh..
Then sumore she was wearing sleeveless & guess wat?!..she neve shave her armpit hair lor!!!..lasap..-_-"..bahahaha..me & sis were luffing like crazy..then MM was smsing me asking me where was i & all that..then he said mebe i shud bring sis or Aby (my 6-yr old bro) along when we go out the next time..hmmm..alrite..haha..
Went home..then Qian called ma house at about 12 plus cos she was damn bored at her sis' house..chatted for about an hour, then continued wif my MSNing & stuff..& guess wat time i slept?..7 a.m..geez..cos there was this fren at MSN who was nicely chatting wif me arh..i didn't dare to interrupt saying i wanna sleep or wat erh..hehe..sumore i got a terrible case of insomnia too mah..>.<
Slept at 7..awakened by MM's sms at 11..aaaaa..lasap lasap..i replied..then awakened by his sms again at 12..*pengz*..at 1, another sms from him, & i was like, "..argh..juz wake up lah.."..*grrr*..went online bla bla bla..at 3 plus, he told me to call him on his henfon..then put down after around half an hour when he wanted to zzz..
That's all i guess..quite a boring entry..i'm oso yawning..wahaha..till then..ciaoz..
Wishing for a rainbow @ 3:58 AM